Allowing Emotions in the Room as an Oncology Nurse

In a recent episode of Oncology Nursing News’ podcast, Onc Nurse on Call, host Patricia Jakel, MN, RN, AOCN, sits with guest Kelly Grosklags, LICSW, BCBS, FAAGC, FT, to discuss the emotional weight of oncology care. Grosklags offers the pivotal insight that shared emotion with a patient is “absolutely appropriate” and serves to enhance the clinical connection. Rather than exerting energy on trying to “keep it together,” Grosklags argues that experiencing emotion for the person in the room is a meaningful form of connection that should not be feared by clinicians.

Many oncology nurses and APPs worry about experiencing “explosive emotion,” but Grosklags observes that such instances are rare in clinical settings. Instead, she emphasizes that crying with a patient or feeling their sadness can deepen the therapeutic relationship. According to Grosklags, the distinction lies in the source of the emotion; if the feelings are related to the patient’s journey, they are a professional asset rather than a lapse in control.

Transcript

Jakel: As oncology nurses, we [may be] witnessing or having these difficult conversations. Many times, I might be in the room when the palliative care team comes in, or, as a nurse, you can have these conversations—how do you keep your own emotions under control?

Grosklags: I get asked this a lot when I train medical students. They’re very concerned about what happens if they start crying with a patient. The rule of thumb is, if you have emotions that are related to the person in the room, they’re absolutely appropriate. If you’re crying because your parents are getting a divorce—we’re human, so I say that tongue in cheek. I know things are going to impact us. But for the most part, if you’re in there and you’re emotional because of the patient, it’s more like you’re emotional with the patient.

However, if we are uncontrollably sobbing, which I honestly don’t know that I’ve ever seen or experienced that as a clinician, [that may be a different case.] I have cried with people and felt sad with people, and I’ve had tears coming down my face. That only enhances our connection. I don’t think that our energy should go into thoughts like, “I need to keep it together in here.” We always think we’re going to have this explosive emotion, and we rarely do. But one thing I want nurses to hear is that if you’re experiencing some emotion about the person in the room, that is a form of connection.

This transcript has been edited for clarity and conciseness.